Mission Statement

First of all, I find self-involved blogs to be the downfall of journalism, literary pursuits, and the best qualities of the last great American heroes (i.e., the ability to keep a stiff upper lip and a stern demeanor at all times.) Real men don't spill every detail of their personal lives onto a web page. Paul Newman would have scoffed at the idea. I promise not to do too much talking about my personal life.

My blog will primarily focus on politics, the economy, the horrifying mistakes of celebrity fashion, the latest movie and music reviews (only decent bands and movies, no Hollywood tripe), and books that I like and recommend. Being that I'm also a total smart-ass, expect mean diatribes on the absurd. Billy Ocean, I'm looking in your direction.

I make the following correction: my blog will only approach personal issues when I have a hilarious story to divulge about the dysfunctional, Southern, three-generations-too-late group I call my family. I promise to use fake names, and to try not to embarrass everyone involved beyond comprehension. I won't regale you with the best stories of the fam -- those are to be saved for later.

Tomorrow's blog post will include reviews of the new Bishop Allen and TV on the Radio albums, and political analysis on how McCain could still pull this out -- God help us all, except (of course) for the former Lehman Brothers CEO who made $500 million between 2000 and 2007, and paid a miniscule amount of taxes on that gargantuan amount of money. I also plan on debunking this ridiculous nonsense about "Palin 2012," which is the dumbest idea I've heard since she was put up as VP in the first goddamn place.

Oh, and this is the ugliest dress I've ever seen. You have to love "Gossip Girl" for going all out, and managing to create a complete fantasy world during the current recession. Our last recession had Cobain, heroin, angry and defiant music, and the insane ramblings of Courtney Love. I guess I'm left to assume that this recession will have Carrie Bradshaw dressing up in 13 "Sex and the City" movie sequels in endless pairs of $800 shoes, which is not exactly culturally sensitive to those who cannot afford food, but okay.

Incidentally, Blake Lively looks like she'd rather be anywhere than in the lights of the paparazzi while wearing what amounts to a full-length lime in the following picture. Even worse, this looks like a prom dress Molly Ringwald would have thrown up on after a panic attack in 1986 when they didn't even have the good Xanax or Klonopin to sufficietly calm her down. Thank God the pharmaceutical industry has stepped it up a notch, so we can avoid these accidents: